Genera and species: Gorilla gorilla
Collective Term: A band of gorillas
Gorillas are strong, unpolished individuals with a gruff coarse exterior that conceals their soft and chewy center, and are capable, happy-go-lucky individuals with a disarming naiveté. Maybe a little hairy with a tattoo or two too, they are unpretentious and engaging creatures who brighten everyone's day with their enthusiastically warm greetings.
Even with the gorilla's warmly gruff exterior, there's an underlying sense of menace that percolates throughout it's personality. But even though it is built for physical confrontation, it's difficult to imagine a gorilla actually inflicting bodily harm. However, when the gorilla or its family is threatened, the transgressor quickly realizes its mistake. Its body hair standing on end, and large frame at full height, the gorilla will never back down from a fight. In a child-custody battle it's better to negotiate an up-front peace with a gorilla rather than endure a prolonged and bloody battle.
As a primate, the gorilla possesses considerable brainpower, although unlike its cousin the baboon, has no desire to waste its days deep in thought. Instead, life is spent in quiet enjoyment of play and family interactions.
Gorillas are capable of forming long-lasting, monogamous relationships and enjoy the peace and comfort provided by large families and close groups of friends. Considered to be attentive mates, they make an effort to provide a secure and comfortable nest. Not being overly ambitious though, they have a tendency to rest on their laurels.
Smaller animal personalities are attracted to their embracing persona and they form lasting bonds with submissive mice and cottontails. Warm and kind to these 'pets', they dominate the relationships and control their duration. Their personalities clash with the challenging nature of owls, foxes and moles who retard their carefree spirit and it are at their best in relationships with baboons, cottontails and dogs.
Gorillas have a strong need for structure in their households, which requires a healthy system of communication throughout the family. No one could accuse a gorilla of being dispassionate on issues of friendship and loyalty, although its emotions will sometimes get in the way of common sense.
All told, life with a gorilla is a series of passionate gestures and gentle reassurances.
Careers and Hobbies
Repairperson Personal trainerFood Industry
Watching TV Sports fan
Hulk Hogan, Hells Angels, Mr. T.
Genera and species: Hystrix cristata
Collective Term: A prickle of porcupines
Porcupines are physically small individuals with an over-abundance of attitude. Probably due to their lack of self-esteem, they have a tendency to seek comfort by putting others down, and wit, sarcasm, and ridicule are the primary weapons of its oftentimes disagreeable personality. In defense of the porcupine's actions, its barbs are not designed to cause permanent harm. Instead, they're intended as a preemptive attack to protect its own sensitive feelings, and if anyone is wounded by its thorny words, the porcupine is quick to come to its victim's aid. The porcupine displays the characteristically sharp mind and opportunistic lifestyle of the rodent personalities, but unable to function successfully in social situations, it is limited in its career choices and is rarely found in sales or management positions. Of course, a job like postal worker, DMV employee, and IRS agent, matches its prickly personality perfectly.
Like other rodent personalities, porcupines are opportunists and are resourceful and creative in their endeavors. Adept at taking advantage of others' mistakes, they are the first to jump on the bandwagon when an opportunity arises. With their consciously minimalist lifestyle, their financial needs are limited to the bare essentials of living and their homes are unadorned but functional. Unambiguous loners, porcupines prefer jobs that reward individual effort -- avoiding manual labor or work that demands mental concentration. However, if it's lucky enough to find a job that requires a biting tongue, it performs above the call of duty.
If there were two words that summarized the porcupine lover, they would be use protection! For in the bedroom, the porcupine tends to be a little too curious and explorative. For them, sex is a gala event that should be spiced with all manner of strange toys and odd positions. Nocturnal animals, they prefer the safety of their homes or small offices during the day, and most of their social connections take place at night, when they wander off to seek the companionship of the opposite sex. But their caustic wit and defensive posture puts others on their guard and they often return alone.
It can be painful to get close to a porcupine and only those who have earned its trust can endure an intimate relationship. It is comfortable and secure in the company of mice and mole personalities, but should fastidiously avoid the companionship of larger carnivores like bears, foxes and wolves.
Careers and Hobbies
Collection agent Bureaucrat
Don Rickles, Joan Rivers, Bobcat Goldthwaite.